Man, I'm really getting lazy

So, I said this blog wasn't going to be about reviewing the books themselves, but rather either rants loosely based on the subject matter I'm reading or posts about the process. I don't really have anything particular on my mind, but I do have a confession about the process. It's hard. And not because I don't like the books, but really just because I'm out of practice. My attention span has really withered and I get easily distracted particularly with the nice weather. If I were smart, I would've made this a winter project. Although, I'm sure I'd be able to find as many excuses to not read then as well.

I've honestly toyed with giving this whole thing up, but I keep feeling a tremendous amount of guilt. I hate guilt. I wish I could avoid it entirely. I also hate obligations. But at the same time, I understand that having obligations, being accountable to someone or something, and doing things that are hard are part of being a productive adult (although I could probably rationalize a life-is-short-so-why-spend-it-in-shame philosophy). I don't want to drown in guilt, but I think a certain level keeps you honest while preventing stagnation.

I wouldn't call myself an incredibly content person. Some have accused me of being highly motivated, but I doubt that. Most of the time I think I'd be perfectly pleased with just doing nothing. At all. At the same time, I don't feel fulfilled. I think I need a challenge that makes me feel better about myself. I'll be frank; I have a hard time finding that satisfaction in a job. It's why I spend so much time taking random classes at the U even though I'm not in any particular degree program. I guess it's because I can do things on my terms, which is a situation a job rarely presents.

So, with all that, I soldier on. It's not always easy, and I can't say I particularly enjoy it, but I do feel good about myself for trying this. And I'm happy I added this blogging component. I hate when my wife reminds me to do something I committed to, but I need something to do it, and I think writing about my experience fills that void without making me resent anybody but myself.

Maybe it'd be easier if I tried homeopathic reading.